Do you remember where you were when the planes crashed into the New York City Twin Towers in 2001? I was teaching English and Spanish in a small school when students came into the room as classes were about to start, telling me the news about the first plane hitting a tower. At first, I thought it was probably a terrible accident. Later, we found out about the hijackings and the terrible events to follow.
I also remember when I saw the Challenger shuttle take off and fly apart in 1986. I was having lunch at a small cafe while working at my bank job. My friend and I weren’t sure what we were seeing at first, but we knew it wasn’t good. It was heartbreaking to know about all the school children who were watching it in real time as well, with the teacher being on board.
I think everyone has dates that affect them in some way, whether it’s a happy memory or a sad or traumatic event. A specific memory date for me happened just last week. In fact, this blog was supposed to come out last week on May 29, but I just couldn’t get myself to finish it.
The Day That Changed Everything
It happened on May 31, 1971. On a beautiful, sunny, early summer day, my daddy died in a farm accident. I was eight years old and had four siblings. My mom was 37, and my dad was 36. Our lives have never been the same.
Back then, the shock, fear, and confusion were more than I could handle, but somehow God’s amazing presence was with my family and took us through it day by day in only a way He could. To say you “get over” something, especially as a child, is just untrue. Yes, some people handle things better than others, but the underlying pain of trauma never truly leaves you.
A Childhood Marked by Loss
I recently wrote a children’s book telling about that day and how my mom, my four siblings, and I were preparing to take Daddy lunch at the field when we had to deal with a flat tire – twice. Mom and my oldest sister Jeanne, age 14 at the time, worked to change those tires so we could get to the field. By the time we left the driveway, we were stopped by a car coming up behind us. Mom looked in the rear view mirror and recognized it as my grandparents. They had come to give us the terrible news that my daddy had died in the farm accident. It was a horrific time, full of such sadness and grief, that we didn’t know if we would survive without him. We spent most of the summer living with our precious cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents. At that time, we also felt the support of our church family and our community. Most of all, the Lord God Himself got us through the worst of those days. There were lots of prayers, grieving and tears, and talking about Daddy.
Grief Doesn’t Disappear—It Changes
Today, I am still here… but I have lived through a lot of pain and trauma. A large part of this is tied to those early days of my life. Thankfully, God was with me through it all. I have been learning over my lifetime that God is there and was there all the time, even when I didn’t “feel” His presence.
I’ve seen that grief changes over time, but it doesn’t disappear. Our lives are filled with grief over many things other than death. We grieve when loved ones die, of course, but we also grieve such things as the loss of a job, a broken relationship, making changes in our lives, and even a change in seasons of life.
Learning to Live With What We Cannot Control
What I’ve learned over the past 54+ years after Daddy died is that I have no control over circumstances in my life or anyone else’s. I had some naive thought in my mind as a child that having gone through my daddy’s death was the worst thing I would ever face. Little did I know that there would be other things, such as my sister’s death from cancer; a cancer gene mutation that would put me and others in my family through surgeries; anxiety and depression; financial difficulties; relationship issues; and prison time for a loved one. If you are human, you WILL experience grief. So how does one deal with grief? Is it possible to find some healing and ways to move forward?
I’m here to say that it is possible to heal and move forward. As I mentioned, grief doesn’t disappear, but it does change and give way to hope. But it takes work, reflection, evaluation of ourselves and our beliefs, and maybe some counseling.
How Do We Begin to Heal?
Acknowledging the grief you feel can be difficult, but here are a few ways to start dealing with it, especially when you have those days that push the pain to the surface once again.
🌿 Remember the day of loss
💔 Remember what it felt like then
🌱 Reflect on what you understand now
✨ Ask yourself where God has been in it
🌼 Look for the small things that bring happiness and provide hope
🗓️ Take it one day at a time
May 31 is always a day I will remember. Those memories come back like Daddy died yesterday. I picture the details in my mind, and the deep pain returns. But maybe it’s not quite as deep as before. I have learned some things since that day. I have gone through life with many more difficulties. I am 63 years old now and have some experience with grief in all its ways.
Looking Back and Seeing God’s Faithfulness
I have learned that the Lord God is present in all things. I know I can pray to Him at any time of the day or night, and He hears me. I have looked back through the rear view mirror and found that His mercies were there, guiding me through the worst of the worst times. Each time I thought I was alone, I can return to that date and find the many ways He got me through. HE, not me. When I didn’t want another day to come, He set the sun in the sky to rise in the morning and showed me that I had made it through another day, another trial. God is amazing in His ways. But we only have to see Him in the small things as much as the big things.
Holding Grief and Hope Together
If you are struggling in grief right now, please follow me on my website at
https://www.marygracejohnsonauthor.com
or on my Substack, by subscribing for free below.
I offer “Seven Affirmations for Hope” for free on my website. I also have a new book, And the Sun Came Up: A True Story of Grief and Hope (multiple vendors) for children ages 2-10 and a companion journal, Sunlight for the Soul: A Hope Journal for Kids Walking Through Sadness (Amazon only). My prayer is that these resources can be of help to you or to children you know or work with.
📖 Scripture for Hope in Grief
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” —Psalm 34:18
“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” —1 Peter 5:7
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning.” —Lamentations 3:22–23
💭 Reflections (Adult)
Looking Back With Gentle Honesty
What “date” still holds deep meaning in your life?
What did you feel in that moment, and what do you understand now?
Where can you now see God’s presence, even if you didn’t feel it then?
What has grief taught you about yourself, your faith, or your resilience?
🎨 Activity for Children: “Memory Light” Drawing
Invite a child to draw:
☀️ A picture of the person they miss
🌤️ One favorite memory you shared
✨ One thing they would want that person to know
Then gently ask:
“What do you remember most about them?”
“What made them special to you?”
“What do you miss today?”
This helps children connect grief with love, not just loss, and gives them a safe way to express emotions.
🌿 Adult Activity
The “Rear View Mirror” Reflection
Take 10 minutes somewhere quiet.
Think back to a painful season.
Write down 3 ways God carried you through.
End with a prayer of gratitude.
Inhale: Lord, You were with me then.
Exhale: You are with me now.
Inhale: Your mercies are new
Exhale: Every morning.
I’m curious. What kind of grief have you dealt with? What kind of issues cause you to feel grief? I’d love to pray for you or help in any way I can. Please send me an email at marygracejohnsonauthor@gmail.com or leave me a message in the comments or DMs. I promise to respond.
Grief may mark a date in our lives, but God’s faithfulness marks every step forward.
I know that God will continue to hold you in his hand as the sun comes up each day!